33 female. I’m dating my boyfriend since 2017. Till 2021 he had no plans of getting married since he has an elder sister who was not getting married and I’ve moved on in life concentrating on my career. During COVID, after his father’s demise, he decided to get married. Meanwhile, my parents also died due to COVID. When he proposed to me, I said yes.
His mother and sister moved to Bangalore from the village after his father’s death and started living with him. When I met them, their family was ok with me but we could only get married after his sister’s marriage. But that sister got cancer last year. She’s now 37 years old. Now their family wants us to get married since his sister got cancer.
I now live alone and my other siblings are married and live in different parts of the city. My brother stays in another city. But since the talks of marriage have begun, everything is not going ok. His mother is calling and scolding us that we don’t invite them for lunches, invite them for festivals. I should take her shopping and give her updates on what I shop on that day.
She’s calling every alternate day to know what I am buying and insisting on taking her also to shopping which I’m not comfortable with. I go shopping with my friends and siblings according to our schedules and adjust our times. For simple, simple things she’s scolding us, commenting on my sisters for being jobless, commenting on my brother’s work.
Telling “I know what bank jobs are and why is he not calling me?” which I think is the height. I complained all these to my boyfriend telling it’s not appropriate for her to comment and scold. He was like “get scolded then.” “You guys don’t have manners to call and invite my mother, you don’t know how to keep relations.” I got very infuriated but I didn’t say anything.
But next week she called directly to my sister and started scolding her for not inviting her to festivals, lunch, and dinner. At that point, my siblings got so pissed off that they don’t want me to get married into such a family. His mother is very fond of shopping but now she’s old, weak, and has difficulty walking, so I should help her walk and take her shopping.
I don’t like going shopping with her, in fact. She literally tortures the salespersons. I went shopping with her once and it was so embarrassing for me in front of staff and other customers. If the staff says some item is not there, she’ll scold them, telling that “you guys are lazy to show, lazy to search also.” She bought a small item in a jewelry shop and was demanding a gift.
She didn’t leave the shop till they gave her a gift. It was so embarrassing for me, those salesgirls came to me to explain, but she was adamant for the gift. Wherever she buys something, she wants an extra bag, cover, etc., something free. After shopping, we went for dinner where she literally tortured the serving boys.
She drank and ate half the order and started complaining about how spicy the food was and how difficult it was for her to eat and swallow. It was a nightmare for me the whole day. When I complain to my boyfriend, he gives all stupid logic and tells how valid it is for her to scold me. He doesn’t support me at all. He’s completely a mama’s boy. Most of our fights are about his mother and sister only.
He fights with me saying I should visit the hospital for his sister’s cancer treatment. I should call them and talk to them. I should become best friends with his sister. I should WhatsApp them regularly. I’m not in a situation to decide anything. He likes me a lot. Even I like him a lot. But do I have to go through all this just because we love each other? Our fights outnumber our good times.
Do I have to put up with this shit just because I have to settle down in life? Will I also end up having cancer if I marry for the sake of love? Because many people told me love fades away and reality kicks in. And the reality here is this. He’s like if I don’t decide in one week, he wants to put an end, telling no one takes so much time to decide if you really love someone.
But I don’t want to lose him and at the same time, I am unable to tolerate his mother. My boyfriend has health issues battling with digestion, GERD, obesity, overweight of around 140kgs. My family was still ok with him, even after his sister got cancer. But they are not ok with his mother’s behavior. And the whole responsibility of one cancer patient, one old lady, and an unhealthy man who can’t even look after his health?
My other sisters’ in-laws and my brother’s in-laws are also never troublemakers or complain box types. We only expect that if the couple is happy and their kids are happy and healthy, that’s it. But my MIL though is another level. She wants princess treatment. And my boyfriend is like “mummy re, pamper her. She’s old. Help her, entertain her, do bahu formalities, impress her.
Mothers scold like that only, but she’s sweet.” What should I do? I don’t want to lose my boyfriend. But I can’t tolerate his mother and her behavior. She’s constantly troubling my siblings. And now my entire family/relatives know about the marriage.
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