I knew my ex-husband for five years before marriage. During our relationship, he emotionally, mentally, and financially manipulated me. He never supported me financially neither before nor after marriage. Instead, I was the one paying for everything. He often claimed to have financial issues, but over time, I realized he always made himself the victim in every story and blamed others.
In the beginning, he used to call me daily never on weekends mostly while driving or when alone. He always appeared too busy. He was a “people pleaser,” helping others for show, and later mocking them, all while gaining sympathy as a victim. I fell for this image. Whenever I raised concerns, he manipulated the situation and made me feel guilty.
I tried to end the relationship a few times, but he emotionally blackmailed me once even pretending he had an accident, another time saying he would die without me. He didn’t like me having any friends. He wanted me isolated, while he remained free to go on trips with his friends. When I went on a family trip, he would cry and guilt trip me. Eventually, I stopped going.
Despite many red flags lies, control, and emotional distance, I thought love would change things. When we told our families about marriage, he wasn’t excited. I convinced myself he might be unsure or not ready yet. Before marriage, his middle class family made indirect dowry demands and focused on showing off. My family is also middle class. I’m a simple person who values living within our means.
But his family pressured us for expensive items just for their social image. We were told we’d rent a flat after marriage, but they made no effort. Later, I was told we couldn’t rent for three years due to wedding loans. After marriage, I lived there for just three months, and in that short time, their abuse broke me. I worked full time as a teacher and still did all the household chores alone.
His mother, father, and sister harassed me emotionally, mentally, and physically criticizing my every move, dumping garbage after I cleaned, and overloading me with tasks. They pressured me to have a male child, and that too before our first anniversary. My husband never defended me. Instead, he blindly believed his mother’s lies that I insulted them.
I didn’t share anything with him earlier, hoping love and patience would improve things. But things only got worse. There was no financial support from him even after marriage. He continued to take money from me. We slept four people on one bed, and later, they moved me to a dirty storeroom (a neighbor’s room they had rented before marriage to store stuff) and didn’t even let me clean it.
There was no privacy, no care, and no emotional or physical intimacy. What little happened between us, he even shared the details with his mother, including our sexual life. It was humiliating. We didn’t go on a honeymoon. But he forced me to join a cousin’s trip, and when I got sick, he locked me alone in a room and left. I had no network and felt completely helpless.
One day, when I refused to quit my job, he slapped me and told me to leave. And I did leave that house because I was so scared and about to go mad from their torture. People tried to sort things out between us, but he doesn’t want to live with me. His mother wants to get him married to someone rich.
Now, he has filed a false case against me accusing me of mental cruelty and even claiming I hit his mother, which is completely false. I’m scared because he’s very good at manipulating the truth. Honestly, I’m not sure if I can stand in front of him in court (I’m that scared). But I still have this voice in my heart that says even if I can’t prove my truth I should face him and fight.
They even threatened to kill me if I do anything against them (they have connections with dangerous people). I know some may wonder how I didn’t see all the red flags. The truth is I did, many times. But every time I tried to step away, he twisted things, made himself the victim, and convinced me I was at fault. I’d end up feeling guilty, and the cycle would repeat.
And honestly, I loved him deeply despite everything. Maybe I was love blind. Maybe that’s why I kept hoping for change.
Question: What do you think I should do?
Option 1: Stay silent and move on.
Option 2: Fight the case and stand for the truth.
Option 3: File a domestic violence case against him.
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