He was the one who wanted me first. He chased me, begged me, convinced me that we were meant to be. I was hesitant, scared even, but he made me feel special. Loved. Safe. So I believed him. I believed every word, every promise. And when I finally let my walls down, when I finally gave him my heart he left. We met online, just two strangers talking about life. He wanted to meet me in person for so long, invited me on trips, but I always said no. Then, I moved to Kerala not for him, but for myself, for a better life.
And once I was there, it felt inevitable that we would finally meet. I still remember that first meeting. He made me feel seen in a way no one else had. Slowly, we became the best for each other. He told me I healed him, that he never wanted to lose me. He had a bike trip business, and after every ride, no matter how exhausted he was, he would come straight to me. He wanted me to live with him in a live-in relationship, but I said no. We would meet frequently.
Those days were the best days of my life the way he looked at me, the way he made me feel loved, heard, and seen. But then, my family asked me to come home. My mother’s health was worsening, and they wanted me back. I left Kerala with a heavy heart, but I thought distance wouldn’t change us. I was wrong. He told me I made him happy. Last Christmas, he said there’s not much happiness in his life except me, that he never wanted to lose me.
He had a bike trip business, and after every ride, no matter how exhausted he was, he would come straight to me. He wanted me to live with him in a live-in relationship, but I said no. He told me he would marry me right then and there if I agreed. At first, long distance made us stronger. But soon, I realized I could only talk to him when it suited him. I waited for his calls at night. But he? He could call me anytime, and I would answer even in front of my family. I spoke so highly of him to my parents, about how good he was to me. They were happy for me.
When I was leaving Kerala, he wanted to marry me right then. But as time passed, he stopped trying. I planned to visit, but he was always “too busy. Then the fights began. He told me I didn’t flirt enough in texts, that I didn’t give him the love he wanted. But love, for me, wasn’t about flirty words it was patience, understanding, being there for each other. I was juggling my mother’s illness, my studies, my responsibilities. But did that mean I loved him any less?
And then, just like that, he said he didn’t feel the same way anymore. I begged him. The same man who had once begged me to stay, to not avoid him, was now walking away without even looking back. I couldn’t understand how feelings could change so fast. I thought maybe it wasn’t just him maybe his family was stopping him. Maybe they were the reason he was pulling away. I wanted to make him fight for us. So I called his sister, hoping she would understand, hoping she would help.
But that call ruined everything. He was furious. I had instant regret, but my intention was never to make him look bad in front of his family. I hoped that his sister would understand me. But I was wrong. I accept this I should not have done this, as he had taken financial help from his elder sister for his business. But I wasn’t done. I couldn’t be. I couldn’t accept that this was how we ended. So, without telling him, I booked train tickets to Kerala. 80 hours of travel. 80 hours of restless, sleepless hope.
I thought if we met, if we sat face to face, he would remember what we had. When I finally told him I was coming, I expected relief. Instead, he told me not to come. I still went. I reached Kochi at 1 AM. I thought about all the nights he had waited outside my hostel, just to make sure I was safe. But now, he wasn’t even coming to see me. The next morning, we met for a therapy session his idea. He said I needed therapy. That maybe I would understand that life had more to offer than love. But when I saw him, I felt nothing but warmth.
The anger, the pain it all disappeared for a moment. It felt like home. But he was different. He looked at me like I was a stranger. We sat outside therapy; he had tears rolling down and said sorry. He said it was his mistake, he should have started it first. But I still didn’t believe that he didn’t love me. He was pressured by his family. He told me straight he had no feelings left. That same day, he went to church to light candles to prove something to his sister. I had always prayed for him.
I had always prayed for his happiness. But that day, I prayed for myself. I prayed-not for love to win, not for things to change, but for myself to survive this pain. I didn’t leave Kerala immediately. I stayed for New Year’s, hoping, praying that he would come see me before I left. But he didn’t. On my way back home, I called him from the train. He slept on the call, just like he used to. His soft snores filled the silence, and I stayed awake all night, wondering how he could sleep so peacefully while I was drowning. In the morning, I whispered, “Good morning.”
He said it back. I hung up. That was the last time we spoke. He never even asked if I reached home safely. It’s been two months. Not once has he texted. Not once has he asked if I’m okay. But I don’t want him back. I don’t want him to come back. I just want to understand why. I still wish for his happiness. I hope he finds someone who loves him the way he wants. But I have lost trust in love, in promises, in everything I once believed in. Maybe love was never meant for me. I just want to understand why.
Maybe love was never meant for me. Maybe he was just a part of my life, and that’s all he was ever meant to be. But he made me feel so loved, so cherished, and I will hold onto that forever. I don’t know if I will ever open my heart’s door for anyone again. Maybe he was just a part of my life, and that’s all he was ever meant to be. But he made me feel so loved, so cherished, and I will hold onto that forever. I’m leaving the country for my master’s. If he knew I had bagged a scholarship, he would be so proud of me.
But he doesn’t know. Maybe he never will. Still, I will wait for him if not in this life, then in the afterlife. I don’t know if I will ever open my heart’s door for anyone again. I miss him. But I’m okay.
Question: If someone truly loves you, should they fight for you?
Option 1: Yes, love needs courage.
Option 2: No, sometimes letting go is love.