I’m a 23 years old, recently graduated from MBBS in May, and I returned home in July. Both of my parents work, but they’re home after 3 p.m. on weekdays and all day on weekends. They’re both narcissistic and toxic constantly fighting, abusing each other, and dragging me into it by asking for my opinion. My father is emotionally detached, while my mother is both a physical and emotional abuser. Growing up, I was constantly compared to other students, even though I was a top student, usually securing the 1st or 2nd rank.
The abuse escalated when I entered higher secondary school, juggling NEET preparation with my state board syllabus. My parents verbally abused me and kicked me out of the house for low marks. My mother would hit me with whatever she could find, often leaving bruises. I coped by crying myself to sleep, but over time I became emotionally numb. I couldn’t cry, sleep, or even study. I began self harming just to feel something pain that would make me cry and help me sleep. But the emotional baggage took a toll on my ability to study further.
Despite their constant criticism, I completed my public exams and NEET in 2018. The pressure was unbearable, and I attempted suicide three times before my NEET results came. Luckily, I scored well enough to get into a government medical college. During my initial college days, I sought help from a psychiatrist and took antidepressants to cope with the mental exhaustion. Life got better once I left home, but after graduation, when I returned to prepare for NEET PG, things got worse.
I didn’t score well enough on my first attempt, so I decided to try again. But history is repeating itself my parents are comparing me to others, painting me as a bad person for not listening to them or studying. They tell my relatives I’m not good enough, making me feel like I don’t deserve to live. I used to seek validation from them, but after all I’ve been through, I now fear for my mental health and career. The journey from being suicidal to healing was long and painful, but after just 3 months back home, I feel like I’ve lost all the progress I made.